Freckle’s Divine Comedy
This week, we torment Calvin “Freckle” McMurray. You all know the rules? We drag the boy through the nine circles of Hell, as outlined by 14th-century poet, Dante Alighieri.
Circle 1: Limbo
Here we see the mild discomfort of our victim, Freckle. The animation below is actually a study on how Rocky and Freckle would blink. As you can see, Freckle is awash in misery even just existing. Poor dude.
Circle 2: Lust
Next, Freckle is greeted by a magical girl who may actually just be a cat. But isn’t he also a cat? The uncertainty causes Freckle to hyperventilate.
Circle 3: Gluttony
Pancake break! Nothing terrible here, unless Rocky gets ahold of them again…
Circle 4: Greed
Surprise! It’s a draft of the Kickstarter poster!
Circle 5: Anger
We hand Freckle a gun.
Shucks! Almost got him, friends! Better luck next time!
Circle 6: Heresy
Freckle encounters an adorable version of Mordecai, which (let’s be honest) we all know is heresy. Mordecai isn’t supposed to make us go “Awwww!” He’s supposed to make us go “Oh no! Don’t stab that!” or “Oh yes! Don’t ever stop stabbing!”
Circle 7: Violence
In this circle have a Serafine sheet. If there was an avatar of violence, you bet your life it would take the form of this ferocious Francophone feline.
She would probably look something like this.
Circle 8: Fraud
We offer Freckle a cool glass of water.
That’s not water, Freckle! It’s illegal alcohol! Ha!
(to be honest, I don’t know why fraud is all the way down at circle 8… it’s actually kind of a lame sin)
Circle 9: Treachery
What is circle 9? You’ll have to find out next week! TREACHERY!
(Honestly, I think Dante ran out of ideas after circle 7…)
No, I’m kidding. I’m not going to withhold project updates from you. That would be cruel. Actually, I did get permission to share this one outtake from Bel Rusape (the voice of Freckle).
But you know what would be Heaven for poor, tormented Freckle? If you, in good faith, were able to donate to the Lackadaisy coffers.
Bless you! And I hope, unlike Freckle, you don’t descend into bizarrely-written metaphors for the sins of man. Unless it’s hot where you live. In which case, Circle 9 might feel refreshing.