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filthy n00b
 Post subject: what do i do?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 3:06 am GMT 
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i'm going to try to make this as short as possible.

a person who i used to consider a friend is now going out with someone who is actually my friend(i think).
this just ruins everything because said ex-friend tends to tell people that i am basically evil and "make her uncomfortable". (aka when i found out she was talking about me behind my back i called her out for it)

it just so happened that i had just told the friend shes going out with about what she did to me. that was about a week ago.
but i found out today they were an item.
i really wanted to get closer to this friend, but now i feel as if my exfriend will tell him that im awful and all that bullshit.

wat do

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I dropped my thing
 Post subject: Re: what do i do?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 7:12 am GMT 
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I would tend to think that if your friend would date your ex-friend who is talking shit about you, that person isn't your friend. My advice would be to get some clarification. "You realize that person hates me, right? This puts me in the position of wondering about our friendship since you have someone telling you BS about me all the time" is fair, possibly in gentler terms, but based on your friend's behavior I'd say drop him like a sack of burning crap.

Also if your interest in this friend was romantic, he isn't interested in you, he is dating someone else. Pack up your pride, turn and walk. It's the best thing you can possibly do for yourself, I promise you he is not worth the pain. Turn towards the friends you have that don't treat you like garbage.

source: I'm 33, been there done that bought the t-shirt and used it as a rag.

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Houdini
 Post subject: Re: what do i do?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 11:40 am GMT 
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Grindy nailed it you need to let him know where YOU stand in this, doesn't matter who they are if they're sidling with someone unsavoury, it'll probably end up in a mess or hurt more than it's worth.


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I dropped my thing
 Post subject: Re: what do i do?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 11:42 am GMT 
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Also keep in mind that the girl's actions towards you have everything to do with HER and probably very little to do with you. I know iot may not seem like it but I can almost promise you this is the case. Especially if she thinks you are competition for her man or something.

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filthy n00b
 Post subject: Re: what do i do?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 1:28 pm GMT 
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star-poke wrote:
Grindy nailed it you need to let him know where YOU stand in this, doesn't matter who they are if they're sidling with someone unsavoury, it'll probably end up in a mess or hurt more than it's worth.


i really wish i could tell this to a lot of my friends tbh but i fear that they think i'm trying to like.... i dont know. control them. i fear that because i am more open about my emotions and issues they will all up and leave for her if i had to make them choose. and it should be that way probably, because if they are still friends with someone who did such mean things to me, who wont even apologize, then they probably arent too good for me.

Grindylowe wrote:
Also keep in mind that the girl's actions towards you have everything to do with HER and probably very little to do with you. I know iot may not seem like it but I can almost promise you this is the case. Especially if she thinks you are competition for her man or something.


oh it does have to do with her more so than me. she started crying wolf when i told her i knew everything she had spouted behind my back. she told me that i had made her start cutting again, which is funny because she told me i was the manipulative one.

it isn't because of romantic competition. i've never been romantically interested in this guy, and i've never stated i was or hinted i was. i just wanted to become closer friends with him. being home alone for a year in a half leaves you very lonely, and friends who don't really understand what's going on with you also do the same. he seemed caring and alright with the fact that i had a mood disorder. but now that i think of it, he also has low-self esteem, and once dated a girl just because she asked him. as in he wasnt really interested. it just probably boosted his esteem.

he's not a bad person. i understand the need for acceptance. but like yea what i told him shouldve been a fucking red flag. so i'm guessing
a. he doesn't believe me b. he believes me but pushes it to the back of his mind c. he just doesnt care

all lead to the same thing anyway. maybe i shouldnt get any further involved with him. i feel as if i put my foot down it will seem like im trying to ruin their happiness out of my vindictiveness.

my superstitious side also must add that he is a virgo (as well as the exfriend) and i am a gemini. ouch.

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