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And then stuff happened.
 Post subject: Complete and Total Betrayal
PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 5:46 am GMT 
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Custom Title: And then stuff happened.
So, in the 'place to scream' thread y'all got a vague look at my day yesterday. Later on, I went out to eat with my mom and sister and was...filled in...on how terrible of a person my dad actually is. Like how he cheated on my mom and never apologized for it. Apparently, he just doesn't know how to fucking apologize. Nothing is ever his fault, EVER, and certainly never anything that actually makes him look like a terrible person.

Here's the text messages that sent me into two emotional breakdowns yesterday and that has me expecting more emotional breakdowns to come. Yay finally realizing what a shitty person your father is after you grew up thinking he was greater than sliced bread! The feeling of betrayal is something I've never felt before. I didn't know emotional pain could hurt as much as this hurts.

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Long story short, he's cut off right now. From me. It's made me realize just how much the drugs changed him and how once the drugs started, he stopped being able to care about anything but himself. So, everything he said from that point on was a lie. He never cared about me. He won't go out of his way to protect me. He'll just bitch about what's going on to mom and my sister. While, on the other hand, Sarloch wanted to go over and beat the shit out of him for making me cry several times. And I don't cry out loud. I haven't cried out loud since I was probably 7. I cry silently. I was fucking sobbing so hard it hurt. And instead of just "aw, hunny, it'll be ok. Just forget the bastard" I had to keep him from picking up the phone or going over to scream at him and probably put him in the hospital. And you know what? That means he cares about me more than my father ever did or ever could.

For those of you who've been around long enough to read all my other rants about my father...I get it now. I'm done trying to care and I'm done putting myself out there just to get hurt. I don't know if I could fully cut him off and just never talk to him again, 'cause...ya know...I'm a daddy's girl...but that's what makes it hurt so much. I grew up thinking he would love me and care about me and protect me all my life, and it turns out that's all a lie. From age nine to the present (and I'm 26 now) drugs made it so my dad can't love anything but being a victim and making everything about himself.

So, let him be in an abusive relationship. He wants it to be none of my business? Fine. It's none of my fucking business. Since he'd sit around and let my husband abuse me (not that he would, but if it ever happened), maybe I'll just let this bitch abuse the fuck out of him. I'm done putting myself out there just for him to disappoint me and hurt me. I'm done.

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That motherfumbler!
 Post subject: Re: Complete and Total Betrayal
PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 11:00 pm GMT 
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Custom Title: That motherfumbler!
I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry that you have to experience this. I can't think of anything that doesn't sound trite or insincere, but it is my honest wish that you didn't have to go through that. Nobody deserves to have that sort of toxic relationship, especially with a family member :(

I can't hug you for real, obviously, but I want you to know that I would if I could! And give you cookies.

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And then stuff happened.
 Post subject: Re: Complete and Total Betrayal
PostPosted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 7:03 am GMT 
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Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2007 7:44 pm GMT
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Location: Where all the sleaze happens... ;)
Custom Title: And then stuff happened.
:) Thanks. I'm getting over it surprisingly quickly. I think my mom spending almost the entire weekend with me is helping a lot. And I'm just trying to put it behind me.

Now, if only my mother-in-law would STFU....

It's been a fun week...not really...

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IntimidatingScones wrote:
A hero is the kind of person who does the right thing, and gets punished for it, and survives.


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