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 Post subject: Old Poem - Inspired by an even older poem.
PostPosted: Thu Apr 18, 2013 10:05 pm GMT 
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Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2013 9:37 pm GMT
Posts: 2
Victus

Of the consequences I will not dwell
For I care not
Of heaven or hell
Bitter years meet bitter ends
Sickening slashes- caused by better friends
I refuse to dwell among the shade
I will not bow my head in shame
Time leaves me conquered
But unafraid
Your chain may cause my blood to pour
But with set jaw
I’ll settle the score
Life will send its raging storms
To grow the roses
That bare their thorns


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 Post subject: Re: Old Poem - Inspired by an even older poem.
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 2:05 pm GMT 
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Joined: Thu Apr 04, 2013 12:46 pm GMT
Posts: 122
It's sad no one has commented on this poem yet! It's beautiful, and powerful, though complicatedly out of reach. Maybe there's been no comments because they all assume you already know how good it is.

I read it a few times, and began analyzing it; I hope you don't mind. I find myself wondering if it's about betrayal which has brought a feeling of a failure, and the poem is a declaration of self-absolvement of guilt. Or maybe it only spoke to me in that way.

Life will send its raging storms/ To grow the roses/ That bare their thorns certainly has a message of suffering through a harsh ordeal, and learning from it. Which is where the poem really becomes dark. What grows from this raging storm? Sure, roses, but more importantly, thorns. Which makes the earlier lines fall darker: not caring for heaven or hell, or dwelling on consequences, and a score remains that must be settled. It seems the consequences are a bitter pain pricking into the speaker's heart. Of course I only assume that it was caused by the friend's slashes, but what those slashes were are left unspecified. I think this unanswered question is really what makes this poem successful. It is now upon the reader to grasp what hurt so very much, which forces the reader to imagine all the terrible slashes we ourselves have endured and recall those powerful emotions to bring about a meaning and catharsis to what we have just read. Which explains why it spoke to me as it did.

However, I was unable to pick a meaning from the broken rhyme scheme and break in meter. The rhyming is:

1) Of the consequences I will not dwell (A)
2) For I care not (X)
3) Of heaven or hell (A)
4) Bitter years meet bitter ends (B)
5) Sickening slashes- caused by better friends (B)
6) I refuse to dwell among the shade (C)
7) I will not bow my head in shame (slight C)
8 ) Time leaves me conquered (D)
9) But unafraid (X)
10) Your chain may cause my blood to pour (E)
11) But with set jaw (X)
12) I’ll settle the score (E)
13) Life will send its raging storms (F)
14) To grow the roses (X)
15) That bare their thorns (F)

However the breaks in rhyme correspond to the breaks in meter. The meter here is a usual line iambic quadrameter (four repetitions of a long-short pattern) followed by two lines of two iambs. If you break line 5 into two lines the meter fits. And line 5 is that line of slashes, that unanswered question. However, the pattern doesn't continue in lines 6 and 7, and the missing line that finishes the d-rhyme doesn't seem to have a purpose. I think that the line "But unafraid" is more important, but only leaves us with a feeling that we're missing something because the rhyme doesn't finish. I hesitate to believe this was purposeful, and that we are supposed to question whether or not the speaker really is unafraid. It sounds more like the meter was simply not held.

While meter isn't a particularly important piece to poetry, especially in modern times, the fact that the majority of the poem holds both meter and rhyme scheme, leads me to either conclude that the breaks have a very important purpose, or that the poem was unfinished, or rather unpolished.

This work, polished or not, is beautiful. It seems to be just as imperfect, rough, and--well--stormy as we as humans really are. It is beautiful the way it is, but it is still in human nature--my nature--that when I find a gem, I only cave to know just how beautiful it could be when polished.

I hope you keep writing, Inle's Rabbit. I would love to read more from you.


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 Post subject: Re: Old Poem - Inspired by an even older poem.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 10:40 pm GMT 
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Joined: Tue Dec 10, 2013 8:56 pm GMT
Posts: 1
You did a great job by posting these nice pics and descriptions of exotic tourist. This article gives the light in which we can observe the reality.

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