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Treasury Department
 Post subject: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:50 am GMT 
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Hi all,

I'm going to be running a writer's clinic at a furry con this weekend, and while I think it's a bit self-serving to read something I wrote at a panel I organized, it might break the ice a bit, or if attendance is low I can fill up some time this way.

This is a one-page excerpt from a story idea that I've had floating around in my head for months. It concerns Mordecai and Viktor and a muchly-discussed incident.

I would love feedback, but the big caveat is I slapped this together in a couple of hours and, given it's intended to garner critiques, have not edited it much at all.

Thanks!

=======================

"That's your final answer then, Viktor?" Mordecai asked in his soft, portentous voice as he looked down at his much larger partner through his circular-lensed spectacles. His tone made the question seem casual, academic.
Viktor nodded resolutely as he sat in his overstuffed and hideously green chair, watching Mordecai warily, though his tone had an unexpectedly gentle note to it. "Ya. Am not going to leave Mitzi naow. You should not either. Come back to Lackadaisy, we talk…maybe make things like old times." Viktor's unrelenting Slavic accent and horrific grammar threatened to send a shudder through Mordecai's lanky frame; to distract himself he turned to look at a lamp, idly brushing fingers across the shade, frowning as a thin layer of dust cascaded to the floor.
Mordecai nodded once, precisely, as he began making his way to the door of Viktor's run-down apartment, his voice emotionless as ever as he replied, "If I return to that place, I fear it will not be on amicable terms. Mitzi and I have come to a parting of the ways. I hoped you could be reasoned with, but if you won't look after yourself…I'll do what I can for you." Mordecai turned his back upon Viktor, facing the door. He hoped for the curtain of red to descend upon him, for anger at Viktor's obstinacy to distance him from what had become an inevitability, but found that the only emotion fueling his actions was regret.
Moving more swiftly than he ever had before, Mordecai pulled his gun from the inner pocket of his suit jacket before turning to face his partner of the past years. Even with his speed he could already see Viktor rising to his feet, the massive feline's remaining eye widened in shock at the betrayal before it narrowed with anger, heavy tail lashing as he charged at Mordecai. Time slowed for some moments, giving Viktor's protégé an opportunity to appreciate being the intended target of Viktor's violence rather than an accomplice to it. If not for the burly cat's bad knee, an injury from The Great War, Mordecai might have come to a bad end.
As it was, the echo of his gunshot was deafening in the small apartment, and on some level Mordecai was astonished that Viktor's windows didn't shatter. The sickening crunch of bone followed immediately as his bullet sank deeply into his mentor's good knee, and Mordecai felt physically ill for a moment as he watched the man he had always looked up to crumple to the floor before him, a howl of pain and rage and…and anguish at Mordecai's betrayal?...leaving the large cat's muzzle, his burnt sienna fur standing on end as he writhed on the floor in agony. In some distant part of his brain, Mordecai realized that he had hoped to feel some degree of accomplishment at having bested his teacher, his friend, his partner, his…his Viktor. Pride in the realization that he had learned everything he could from the man who was the closest thing he had to a…to an older brother. Instead he felt his vision swim for the briefest of moments, and any fleeting sense of victory, of the sense of exhilaration he often felt when he dealt with an assignment, turned to ash. Only knowing that he had acted in his friend's best interests, that perhaps now Viktor could be safe, allowed him to regard the situation as anything other than an abject failure.
Even as his unwelcome feelings tore at him Mordecai looked down at his fallen mentor dispassionately, seemingly unruffled by the fact that he had just shot his partner of years, his voice calm, lethally quiet as he lowered himself to one knee before speaking to Viktor.
"Try not to let Lackadaisy destroy your body as it destroyed my soul," the ebony cat said to the partner he'd just crippled before rising deftly to his feet and leaving the apartment, the door closing with a dull finality behind him.

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Award-winning fan-fic:Serve and Protect

Want more Viktor/Mordecai? Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage.

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Will Set Your House On Fire
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 11:01 pm GMT 
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Wow, that was... INTENSE.

No, but seriously, you put some good writing into that little paragraph. Portentous is my new word of the day.

I suddenly find myself thinking about Mordecai and Viktor as brothers. Which would either be awesome or totally insane.


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Treasury Department
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 12:52 am GMT 
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(blush) Thanks!!! :) So awesome to get a review from someone familiar with the comic.

I freely admit that if/when I expand upon this it's going to be an interpretation that Tracy probably hadn't intended, though I'm trying to hew as closely to established fact as possible.

It's tricky using "portentous" without sounding pretentious. :)

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Want more Viktor/Mordecai? Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage.

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Will Set Your House On Fire
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:32 pm GMT 
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If you expand on it, I will love you forever. I do believe that the "this will probably never happen" stories are the best, though.


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Treasury Department
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:02 pm GMT 
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Love me forever? Hm...are you hot? ;)

I think of my story idea more as a "filling in the blanks" concept meant to hopefully coexist with the canon, though there's always a chance Tracy will do something that would be irreconcilable with my plans.

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DonIago

Award-winning fan-fic:Serve and Protect

Want more Viktor/Mordecai? Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage.

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cheese
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:08 pm GMT 
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As promised, I'd come to read your little interpretation, and... wow. Okay. I feel this overwhelming need to just delete my story. But I will do so happily, because this is perfect. ^^

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Treasury Department
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:31 pm GMT 
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(blushes a ton) Don't delete your writing! I read yours and offered a few half-assed thoughts! :) It shows promise!

Anyway, I have some unfair advantages...BA in English Writing and all. Plus I'm old, heh.

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DonIago

Award-winning fan-fic:Serve and Protect

Want more Viktor/Mordecai? Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage.

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European! Old! Pretentious!
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 12:01 pm GMT 
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Well done, emotionally involving piece, doniago- are you looking for critique? Few things I thought of pointing out but if you're not looking for it then I'd probably just look like an annoying nitpicker!

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Treasury Department
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 1:42 pm GMT 
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Hey there, thanks! :)

If there's anything I put in that's a definite conflict with canon, or is otherwise Lackadaisy-related criticism, I'd like to be aware of that. If it's writing issues, then I think I'll pass for now. This was really just a draft piece for a writing panel I ran at a con, and was never intended to be a fully developed stand-alone work. Even looking at it myself I find things that I feel I could improve on.

Hopefully at some point I'll get around to expanding upon this, and at that point we can revisit the writing-related issues. If I never get it there though, it seems kind of silly to ask people to review something that I already know isn't my best work.

If nothing else, I'd originally intended for the excerpt to be more about events following the actual kneecapping, but then realized that to fit things onto one page (my prerequisite for writing samples for the panel) I needed to know how much space I'd have to work with...turned out the kneecapping became the entire page, so there is more (and less developed) text that doesn't appear in this excerpt.

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DonIago

Award-winning fan-fic:Serve and Protect

Want more Viktor/Mordecai? Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage.

"I might know something about a wiki."

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I dropped my thing
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 5:14 am GMT 
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oooooh damn son I dig it

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uh oh I write Mordecai fic

A Good Man : http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5491932/1/A_Good_Man

From Russia With Love: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7201633/1/From_Russia_With_love

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Treasury Department
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 6:03 am GMT 
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Thanks GL! There's actually a bit more I've written...not much, but when I did the initial draft I intended to write more about the aftermath than the incident itself, but as I tried to keep things to one page the later stuff fell off said page.

Anyway, here you go. I'm afraid this is all I have until I write more of this:

Viktor's howl of pain and betrayal rang in Mordecai's ears as he made his way down the stairs of the apartment building and returned to the street. Despite his training and natural stoicism, the cat found his tail lashing agitatedly as he paced down the sidewalk, and he found it was taking an unusual amount of effort just to keep his gait casual. He found himself sweating beneath the layers of his impeccable suit, the heat of his gun warm against him…how had he never noticed that all the prior times he had discharged his weapon, the way it surrendered its heat only reluctantly after it had been put to use? Mordecai squinted his eyes shut for a moment, almost losing his footing as the sound of his bullet leaving his gun seemed to echo around him, followed shortly by the unforgettable sound of bone crunching and the thud of Viktor falling to the floor in front of him, his good kneecap irrevocably damaged. Mordecai's sable ears twitched at the ghost of recent memory.
Pull yourself together, you fool, he thought to himself in angry shame. This is nothing you haven't done before.
Of course it is. He was your best friend…your only friend, truly…and your partner…and you repaid him for years of having your back…of teaching you everything he knew…of being…more than you had any right to expect of anyone…by…
"I know what I did, and it was for his own good!" Mordecai hissed out, then glanced about sharply, immediately aware that he had uttered that last aloud. He became aware that his casual walk had turned brisk, and he found he couldn't lift his head to look beyond the few feet of sidewalk immediately before him.

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DonIago

Award-winning fan-fic:Serve and Protect

Want more Viktor/Mordecai? Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage.

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I dropped my thing
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 9:41 pm GMT 
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I like it. Man, write your story.

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uh oh I write Mordecai fic

A Good Man : http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5491932/1/A_Good_Man

From Russia With Love: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7201633/1/From_Russia_With_love

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Treasury Department
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2014 6:11 am GMT 
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When Time and Inspiration permit I'll see what I can do. :)

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DonIago

Award-winning fan-fic:Serve and Protect

Want more Viktor/Mordecai? Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage.

"I might know something about a wiki."

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Professional Idiot
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2017 2:02 pm GMT 
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I just read this and DAAAAAAAMNN
Its amazing

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Treasury Department
 Post subject: Re: Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage - One-page Excerpt
PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2017 11:04 pm GMT 
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(blushes a bit) Well, thank you!!!

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DonIago

Award-winning fan-fic:Serve and Protect

Want more Viktor/Mordecai? Lackadaisy: Missing Linkage.

"I might know something about a wiki."

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